The Email Game

So, a lot of people think they run business' on our service. Most do, but others are just running an Ebay account or some such nonsense. In most of those cases I cringe and then read them the terms of service. Residential service + running a business is a violation of the terms of service, and in fact can lead to your net being shut down completely (not even by our choice, this is FCC regulations about separation of entertainment and utility, true facts!)

The people who run a "business" on a residential line are also the ones that immediately ask for credit for any malfunction, this normally has something to do with their email and access therein, here's a gem from a week ago.

Me: Thank you for holding for ISP support. My name is Jacapo, how can I help you today?
Cx: Well, It seems I've forgotten my email address password.
Me: Ok, normally we don't handle email up at this level, but for a password I think we can do a reset for you.
Cx: Oh... you can't just see what it is and give it to me?
Me: No ma'am, thats a violation of the privacy agreement we entered with you when you signed up for service.
Cx: Oh... I guess reset it then.
Me: Certainly, let me just verify your account *she provides the information I need* OK, and thats all in order, lets get you a new password.... and done. Your new password is 12345678
Cx: Ok, let me just try that out.... Alright that works. Now about credit for my downtime.
Me: I'm sorry what?
Cx: I want credit for the time I wasn't able to access my email.
Me: Well ma'am, email is a free service, you don't actually pay for it, we give it to you so no, I can't credit you for that.
Cx: Well I'm running a business and that last hour I couldn't get my email is money lost! I want $1,000 credit!
Me: No, YOU FORGOT your password first of all, second of all, it is a free service. We do not credit customer accounts for free service. That would quite literally be us paying you to utilize a free service we offer.
Cx: But my business loosed money every time I can't get into my email. What do you suggest I do to seek restitution for this!
Me: I suggest two things, first of all, write your email password down somewhere for the next time you invariably forget what it is, and second of all, I highly suggest you switch your account to a business class account if you are using it for business purposes, as that is a violation of the terms of service you agreed to for your RES-I-DENTIAL service and, honestly, can result in the complete loss of all your Internet and television services.
Cx: Well I'm not paying more for a business account! and I never agreed to any terms of service like that!
Me: Then I suggest you memorize that password and that you sit down and do some reading on that little pink paper we gave you before the tech left.
Cx: I'm going to go to the news and blow you in for unfair treatment.
Me: You go ahead and do that, all of our calls are recorded, we'll be more then happy to let them have a listen where you are demanding money for a COURTESY service and how YOU caused YOUR problem by forgetting YOUR password. Was there anything else I can help you with today?
Cx: *screams and hangs up the phone*

Seriously? $1,000 for you forgetting your email password? I honestly can't believe that the thought to ask that ever crossed her mind, let alone that she raved and went on about it.
Quite frankly, if you think you should get $1,000 dollars for not being able to get your email because you forgot your password, well, all I can say is get over yourself! You are NOT that important and honestly from the sounds of it the world would be a better place without you!