So, every once in a while we get calls from those special enough to qualify for Darwin awards (use Google and search Darwin awards if you must, trust me its worth it, I'll wait, go ahead )
Anyways, a while back I got a call from a customer in California, Beverly Hills. Can we say stereo type? Good, I knew you could! This woman had that valley girl accent and the "apparent" intelligence that mayonnaise could beat. Here's the calls.
Me: Thank you for calling ISP support, my name is Jacapo, how can I help you today?
Cx: Well, My modem stopped working and I need a new one.
Me: Ok, well I can help you with that. Let me just pull up your account here.
*I pull up the account and there's a flag on the account. Looks like this persons gone through 8 modems in a month, a fantastic feat by any means.* Umm.....I see you've gone through a rather large amount of modems from us recently. What's going on with them?
Cx: I don't really know, but after a while they get really really warm and then stop working.
*I'm thinking outlet problem, over heating issues aren't too uncommon when hooked into a faulty outlet*
Me: Ok, are they being plugged into the same power outlet or power strip every time you replace it? Are you putting them in a well ventilated area?
Cx: No, I use different plugs and replaced the power strip, and after the first one caught on fire, I made sure they've had plenty of room.
Me: Wait... The first one caught on fire?!?!?!?!?
Cx: Yeah, burst right into flames, thankfully nothing was damaged aside from the modem cause I was right here.
Me: Wow, I think that's the first I've heard of that happening. But you said every modem after that just gets warm and dies right? It sounds like its power related. Are you sure you are using new outlets and such?
Cx: Yeap! Different outlets every time.
Me: I'll be honest I'm at a loss. Do you do anything special with your modems?
Cx: Not that I can think of..Oh wait. Yeah, When I get them, they are usually pretty ugly looking to I paint them pink so they can be pretty and match my computer!
Me: You paint your modems... pink?
Cx: Yeap sure do!
Me: Ok.... That's not such a great idea. What type of paint are you using on them?
Cx: I don't know let me look... Sherwin Williams, I got it from the hardware store.
Me: So.. you are using house paint on the modems??? Are you just coating them completely? Are you leaving the slits on the side cleared?
Cx: Oh..... Should I have?
Me: Um... painting the modems with house paint is bad, that paint is made to stand up to the outside elements and is very very heavy. Covering the vents keeps all the heat in further cause it doesn't allow air to flow through it so it can't cool itself down. You are killing your modems.
Cx: Oh... Well if they just sent me a pink modem like I asked, then this wouldn't have been a problem!
Me: Modems don't come in pink. White, Grey , Black, and Blue. No pink
Cx: Fine! Then I want to cancel my services and I'll find someone who will give me a pink modem!
Me: Here, let me help you process your cancellation of service.
Cx: Wait... You aren't going to try to save me as a customer?
Me: Ma'am, what we save in the cost in modems will far outweigh whatever you were going to spend on our services.
Cx: Why I never!
Me: Never what? Think about your actions? Have a nice day and your services have been cancelled as per your request.
The customer hung up, and we all had a good laugh at the flaming modems. Good times. Good times.
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3 comments:
Thats bloody Brilliant.
I remember hearing a flaming story from someone who was working for Iomega (outsourced, but Iomega product).
Someone had called in; their external Iomega Zip drive was on fire, and they wouldn't put out the flames until they called in to check to see whether they should still be covered by the warranty if they did.
OMFG i know you said you hate it there but honestly laughing this hard once in a while has got to be a good thing! ---T
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