Children say the darndest things.

Children are often both the source of great relief or great aggravation when it comes to us in tech support here. Alot of the time the kids we get on the phone are young but know there way around the computer so you can say things like "can you dump the tcp/ip" and they will respond with "sure, just a sec" and then do it. Others are too young to even honestly be on the phone and just want to play their dora game, or are the bratty teenagers who either A.) want to just play their damn video game and don't care about anything else or B.) can't log into myspace / facebook / email / whateverelseitistheydo and want to bitch about it, in both cases refusing to actually troubleshoot.

Another useful term for today's topic is wardriving.

Wardriving is the act of searching for Wi-Fi wireless networks by a person in a moving vehicle (or on foot) using a Wi-Fi-equipped computer, such as a laptop or a PDA. It is similar to using a radio scanner, or to the amateur radio practice of DXing. Wardriving was named after the term wardialing from the 1983 film WarGames, which involved searching for computer systems with software that dialed numbers sequentially to see which ones were connected to a fax machine or computer

Enter our caller from California.

me: Thank you for calling HSI support, my name is jacapo. How can I help you today?
cx: Yeah I'm getting your red screen telling me to call in with my modem mac something or other.
me: Certainly. Can I have the phone number on the account with the area code first?
*gives me the phone number and nothing comes up*
me: Ok, nothing seems to be pulling up an account how about the modem number off the screen?
*gives me the mac address, nothing pulls up*
me: Ok nothing their either, how about the account number? Do you have that handy?
cx: I don't have an account.
me: Ok, well then if you are getting that screen you must have one of our modems that we just didn't build an account for yet.
cx: No, we don't have service with you, the screen just told me to call you
me: *o.O?* Ok... if you don't have service or don't want service with us there is nothing much I can do for you.
cx: Yeah you can fix this so I can get online again!.
me: If you do not have an account with us I can't do anything to help.
cx: Yeah well its our neighbors modem he has your HSI so fix it so I can play my damn game!
me: So... you are piggybacking off of your neighbors connection... Does he know about it?
cx: No, but my father says its alright.
me: Are you familiar with the term wardriving?
cx: What?
me: Wardriving. It's a term used for people who use other peoples connections, often times hacking into them, or otherwise using them without the permission of the person who owns it, or drive around looking for open networks without security to join. It's not a good thing. If your neighbor doesn't know about it, and hasn't given you permission, you are stealing your neighbors wireless connection.
cx: Well my dad says we can so I don't give a shit what you say
me: That's fine kid, but I will not be helping you, as a matter of fact, since I have your neighbors mac address here courtesy of you, I'm going to track them down, call them, help them get back online and lock your sorry little ass out so you can't use theirs anymore, after I tell them you've been leeching off their Internet.
cx: Yeah well I'll tell my father and we'll see what he has to say about this!
me: Go right ahead kid, you're not a customer of ours, we wont help you, and if he bitches about not being able to steal his neighbor's wireless, we'll see what he says after we talk to him. Now, if you don't mind, I have a phone call to make.

I hang up on the kid, track down who owns the modem (calling our billing department works wonders sometimes) call the guy, get him back online and lock the router. I inform the guy what happened and he thinks its hilarious and thanks me profusely. Apparently we had shut him down for virus / spam / etc. and he couldn't find anything wrong with his system and actually had just had it wiped clean, and this solves the mystery of why we keep shutting him down.

Apparently the kids dad did call in later that night, he got one of my team mates who had heard my earlier call. I only heard one thing he said during the conversation and it was awesome.
"Sir stealing the Internet from someone is no different then stealing a car, money, or a person's items. When you get caught, you are done, end of story, do not pass go do not collect $200. If you want to speak with our legal department in regards to this, I'll be more then happy to transfer you."

Some people just don't want to take no for an answer, or listen to logic / reason. Go figure.