The Tale begins - Enter Conspiracy Theory man!

I've been doing the whole tech support thing for a while in some capacity or another, but its been a couple years since I started taking calls for a local ISP in a call center environment. During this time I've climbed up from first level support to the last line support. I'll start the blog out with a classic call that everyone seems to get a kick out of.

me: Thank you for calling Technical Support My name is jacapo, how may I help you today?
cx: Yeah, I'm unable to get online (there is lots of static on the line with this customer)
me: I'll be happy to help you with that. May I start by having your phone number please?
cx: Um... I don't have a phone.
me: Ok.... How are you calling me then?
cx: I'm on a payphone.
me: *stares at screen blankly for a few moments* Ok then... May I have your account number please? You can find it on any of your recent billing statements
cx: Yeah.. about that... I don't have any bills either.
me: If you haven't been receiving bills sir, I'll be happy to get new ones sent to your home as soon as we pull up your account....
cx: *cutting me off* No no, I'm getting the bills. I just burn them when I'm done with them

This sends up a red flag and I immediately regret the next words that come from my mouth.

me: Why do you burn the bills sir? (Damn that not having a filter yet!)
cx: We'll phones and bills are how they track you!
me: *realizing this call is already going to shit decide to prod* And who is "they" sir?
cx: The Government (his tone was completely even)
me: Alright, I don't quite see...
cx: *cutting me off again* They listen to our phone calls and track what we purchase, the only way to live off the grid is to not have a phone and to leave no paper trail.
me: Sure, but you have High Speed Internet with us right?
cx: yes
me: Alrighty then. Well, since we don't have an account number or phone number available I'll need your modems MAC address. It is 12 characters long and contains letters A through F and numbers 0 through 9, you can find it on the bottom or side of the modem on a sticker, mostly likely labeled as HFC MAC or Cable MAC.
cx: Alright, I'll be right back.

I hear the phone drop and hit something metal, I hear the distinct sound of coins and then a shuffling of feet. About 30 seconds later I hear the sound of horns and the screech of tires, several, several times. Several minutes pass and I'm busy playing catch with the guy in the cube across from me when the customer comes back.

cx: Alright I'm back, I got the number *rattles off number*
me: *tosses number in system pulls up the account, snags the address and for shits and grins tosses it in map quest to see where this guy lives. Finding out this guy lives near a major highway in the area. I suppress the urge to laugh and ask him how playing frogger across 6 lanes of traffic goes and put on my tech support poker face / voice* Alright sir, well it shows that you are offline, modem hasn't been able to reach our server in several hours. I'm going to have to send a tech out since there doesn't appear to be an area outage. Let me pull up the calendar and see what we have avail...
cx: *Cutting me off again* Can you get someone out today? It's really important that I get back online.
me: I'll see what I can do about that, just waiting for our technician work schedule to load.
cx: Alright, cause if I can't put my eZine update through today, the "network" *he whispered the words* will be upset.
me: *o.O? Realizing this guy is whacked I just want him off my phone ASAP* Well sir, I can understand the importance of that, it does indeed look like I have someone available today, He can be there between 3 pm and 5pm , is that alright?
cx: *happy as a pig in shit* EXCELLENT! I'll be there, just tell him to have his badge so I can verify he's from your company.
me: Sure thing sir. Anything else I can help you with today?
cx: Nope. You did great. Thank you so much. The "network" *he whispered the word again* will appreciate it.
me: Anytime, have a great day sir.

I ended the call, and immediately went into a personal aux state, and proceeded to share this story with everyone on my team. Been laughing at it ever since. I look back at that day, and I realize why my faith in humanity has slowly been corroded over the years since starting this job.